Road Trip Horror Show

After a wicked sweet Christmas in Grand Rapids we had to head home to get ready for Florida.  Weather during the visit to G Rap ranged from snowing and freezing cold to raining and balmy.  the latter caused huge amounts of fog.  We left around 1:45 PM and got home around 7.  Thats about an hour longer than usual.  Here's how the fun broke down.  Just after leaving, the meticulously packed trunk of the Escape (only half was used to leave room for the dogs) toppled over and almost crushed the dogs.   We had to pull over and rearrange the suitcases.  Not long into the trip Riley started crying.  We held her off for a while, but then Laurin was forced to feed her.  Both of us were almost falling asleep, which is fun when you are driving through fog/pouring rain and managing unruly infants. Laurin hopped in the back seat for the first of many times and fed/entertained Riley, who we think is teething.   Later, we hit a massive traffic backup at the 94/65 interchange.  We lost about 20 minutes there sitting around for some unknown reason.   After that,  I decided I needed caffeine, so we stopped and got pop/candy/gas.  Soon after that Sanna ate and quickly proceeded to make a hot mess in her pants.  We had about 90 miles to go at that point.  We normally would have left her, but she was crying due to the fact that her diaper rash was clearly being irritated by the presence of an acidic mess.  So, we pulled off at another exit and changed Sanna under the canopy of the gas pumps in the pouring rain.  I forgot to mention that Frankie was also whining like a little baby, so I had to walk him at one of the stops.  I treaded trough a mine field of mud and crap, leaving my shoes in utter disrepair.   Later on, we were halted once again as there was a car engulfed in flames off to the side of the highway.  After another 10-15 minutes lost we headed home while being serenaded by the sounds of a screaming Riley, who apparently wanted to eat again, but luckily fell asleep for the last 20 minutes.    We got home, where it thankfully wasnt raining, and unpacked the car.  Happy to be home is an understatement.   We will never be leaving the house again (especially with the dogs).   I almost forgot to add that my cell phone was dead, so I couldnt text/check my email/update my facebook status the whole way home.  I dont know how we made it home sane.  I uploaded a bunch of Christmas pics to Flickr.  There are more to come.  

Not Quite Christmas Card Material

With the family in town for the baptism, we did our best to get a cute baby picture set up for some type of Christmas communication. Being the expert photographers we are, we thought a solo picture of the ladies in front of the tree would be great. As you can see, what resulted was a unhappy duo with uncontrollable hats in front of a big pillow.

Bringin the Funny

Here I present two videos: one of Sanna playing airplane and laughing. The other is of Riley taking part in her favorite pastime. Can you guess what it is?

Whose Babies are These?

I have been hearing for weeks now, "that picture of Sanna looks just like you", "Riley looks like me when I was a baby", etc.  I have yet to see the resemblance between either of us and our children.   Please tell me what you think looks like either of us on each baby.  I know they are super cute, which they got from me.  They laugh at all my jokes, which they got from Laurin.   What else?

Laughter is the Best Medicine

We have had many requests for videos of laughter. Also included are pictures of the ladies passed out after partyin. I coudnt get them to load in the order I wanted . Please forgive me.

How to Win Friends and Influence Parishioners

Sunday was our day to be welcomed to our new church (St. Joan of Arc).  We were told by our parish companions (a couple about our age who recently adopted twins from Ethiopia) that we needed to show up around 10AM, and that we would be introduced in some way during mass.  Knowing how much Laurin loves people/being the center of attention, I knew we were in for a treat.  Even before we left the house we knew we were in trouble.  Both babies sensed the  stress we were already displaying, and the both went into freakout mode.  It took about 10 minutes of driving to calm them (about ten more minutes than normal).   When we got there (early as usual thanks to years of training from my dad), we were the only ones there.  By the time they started to get us organized there were about 50 people.   Apparently St. Joan of Arc has loosened their rules on getting married at the church.  You now only have to have been members for 2 months.  I cast a critical eye on a few couples that happened to be engaged/'joining' the church.  Back when we were without a church and looking to get married St. Joan of Arc required yo to have been a member for a year.    Anyway, my annoyance aside, the event moved forward.  Normally, we make full use of the cry room during mass.  Of course, in all the times we have used the cry room the girls have been angels.  Now hat we were forced to sit amongst the masses it was party time.  Right as mass started the girls decided they were hungry.  We mixed bottles in the pew and went to work.  Both babies fed well, but I knew we were in for trouble.  Riley started to spit up in greater and greater quantities.  She was also fussing.   She puked on herself, my pants, the floor, and more places I may have left out.  This was all before we had to go up in front of everyone.   I rotated between wiping her, bouncing her, and walking her on the side of the pews.   It soon became go time and we were called up front (along with the rest of the newbies).  They did it alphabetically, which was good, but that also meant we ended up in front.   we recited a few things to the priest and it was time for his blessing.  Just as he began, Riley projectile puked about four feet out in front of us, right onto the marble floors.  It left a clearly-visible puddle in front of us.  Thankfully, she didnt hit anyone else.  So, for about a minute I had to stand there wondering what to do.  I couldnt leave it.  I scanned the audience, but noone appeared to be breaking out in laughter besides me.  It seemed that we were in the clear.  I knelt down and wiped it up after the blessing.  We made our way back to the pew where Sanna promptly had a poop explosion and almost ruined her outfit.  A little more fussing from Riley and we were done.  Needless to say, we will never be leaving the cry room again during mass.  The one  bright spot was that the morning ended with a church-sponsored buffet foods I love.  I stuffed myself and went home to be lazy.  The end. 

Action

Laurin was not happy with the last video of Riley rolling over. Here is a much better video. Also, some sweet action of Sanna with Riley's duck. We are nearing our first sister brawl when they start to get into it over the duck.

Biggest Loser Update

It appears that three members of the household are not putting their all into the Biggest Loser challenge.  At our doctor appointment today, Sanna gained 1lb 9 oz to weigh in at 14lb 10oz.  Riley added 1lb 13oz to weigh in at 15lb 8oz.  Laurin is not reporting any weight loss as far as I remember.  I though, can report a marked improvement.  I am pretty sure I am down at least a pound.  If you see me, do not congratulate me.  This is only the beginning.  I cant rest on my laurels now.  I have 14 more pounds to go before Florida.  Anyway, I am off to Michigan for the evening.  Laurin will be braving it alone.  Look forward to tales of horrible babies.  They always seem to go crazy when I am gone.  They clearly miss me and I am a calming influence.

New Video

Sanna talkin, Riley talkin, and Riley turnin over...

Sanna and Riley's First Thanksgiving!

There were too many highlights to count, but here is a quick list.

1.  Wii!!!!!!!

2. Sanna sleeping on grandma Smith's shoulder

3. Smelling like an ash tray after coming back from the Cambridge House.

4. Nudie Game

5. Grandma Smith's new lowfat dessert that was actually really good.

6. Seeing our most prolific blog poster Great Aunt Sandy and her trusty beau Norm.  

7. Grandpa Smith's perplexing success at Wii bowling

8. My first Scrabble loss (2nd place out of 3)

9. Riley rolls over for the first time!!!

10. Aunt Katie's photography skills.

More to come....check the flickr slideshow for all the fun.  We will be accumulating all the pics from everyone's cameras.

Polls

So, despite the fact that she wont really be trying to lose weight, I lost the biggest loser poll.  I want to thank everyone for their confidence in my will power.  Screw you all.  Also, two people had the balls to say they have seen cuter babies than ours.  So, to Bri and Maria, I say Im bringing back the cage match.  Its on.  

Immediate Care?

As if we needed further proof that we should never leave the house, here comes Sanna with a travel-induced ear infection.   My theory is that the trip North somehow affected her inner ear and she went crazy.....I mean crazy.   I should have taken audio of the event.  She screamed at the top of her lungs for about 2 hours after we got there.  Only my magic swaddling skills (which Laurin refuses to acknowledge) cold calm her.  We called our pediatrician, but he was out for the holiday.  Luckily, he called back us back and confirmed our suspicions of an ear infection.  So, off we went to the immediate care facility.   Thankfully there was only one patient in front of us.   It was an odd hispanic couple.  They were dressed up like the had somewhere fancy to go, but they were in the immediate care center.  She had no outward ailments, so we began to hypothesize.  My thoughts were either a pregnancy scare or bird flu.  She was with someone who wasnt family (they wouldnt let him go back to the room).   Anyway, after they went back it was our turn.  The nurse weighed Sanna, which required me to weigh myself and add her weight when I held her.   She took her temperature rectally, despite the fact that the nurses who delivered her said they didnt do that to newborns due to fear of a rectal tear.  Then, it came time for the doctor.  He came in and tried to look at her ears.  She screamed, and the doctor couldnt see anything due to the massive accumulation of ear wax.  He tried to pick it out with a mideval looking pick.  He got some big chunks out, but still not enough to see her ear drums.  He didnt want to rupture her ear drums, so he didnt go any deeper with the pick.  So, it was the nurses turn.  She came in with a syringe and began to flush out the wax with water.  Sanna screamed.....fun times.   We went through three progressions of picking by the doctor and flushing by the nurse.  After all that, he still couldnt see enough to make a conclusion.  So, he gave us a prescription for an antibiotic and said we could fill it if she was still in rough shape 24 hours later.  We continued to give her tylenol for that period and it seemed to help.  We never filled the prescription.  She seemed to be better the next day.  Not back to normal, but better.  She got a little better the next day after that, so felt better.    So, our first bout with sickness was interesting, but ultimately uneventful.  

Progress

We are almost done with this pesky cold that is circulating through the household.    Sanna didnt appear to get it too bad.  It must be the additional 'immune support' in her formula.  She has taken to crying when she is tired, which is often.  That being said, Riley is currently our favorite baby.  She only cries when she is hungry.  She does puke still, but we have gotten used to that, and it normally isnt huge amounts.  She is still super-skilled at bouncing, and she laughs when tickled.  Sanna is a weak bouncer, never shuts up (which is cute, but constant), and whines a lot.  If she becomes a better bouncer it might be a wash.  We had one odd night where Sanna woke up three times to eat, but other than that we are now getting them to sleep from ~8PM to 6AM.  They may not be in their cribs, but we will take it for now.  Looks like all you pessimists were wrong.   Laurin is working on their rolling over skills.  Riley is close.  Sanna has a little trouble rolling that big dome around.   We joined a gym yesterday, so hopefully the babies will start getting in shape soon.  Sanna does pilates twice a week, and Riley is doing Zoomba.  I am back to racquetball and Laurin is working to become professional bodybuilder.   We are having our own little biggest loser challenge.  Basically, I am telling Laurin I am going to lose weight.  The only way for me to be interested is to make it into a contest.  Laurin really isnt participating, mostly becuase she doesnt need to lose weight, but I pretend she is.  Right now, I think I am winning. We will see when the photos of us in our thongs on the beaches of Florida come out.  I have ~6 weeks to look like I shouldnt be on  the real biggest loser.  

Puking, Coughing, Sneezing, and Bouncing

We have begun instilling lifelong values in our children early. The first I learned from Barney. Sharing means caring. Mamma Smith has been generous enough to teach us this lesson by sharing her cold with the whole family. Riley and I were the first to share in the fun, now Sanna appears to be joining in. Our days have included a lot more fussiness, puking, coughing, sneezing, and fun. The one bright spot is that the girls can now reach the floor while using the bouncy chair. Riley's weight helps her get a little lower, so she can bouncy like a crazy person. She always gets a smile on her face when the bouncing gets started. The only annoying thing is the music that comes out of that thing. It kind of restarts every time she bounces. Anyways, enjoy the pics and video of the fun.

Favorite Things

Our ladies have progressed to a point where they now have items that they like. So, far each of them has one favorite thing to play with. For our chunky monkey Riley, its a toy duck that she mostly likes to try to shove in her mouth. For Sanna, its the mirror on the Pineault Playcenter. What does this say about our ladies? Discuss? The video of Sanna with the mirror is not her best work. She normally angles it so she can see herself and talks to it. That girl wont shut up lately. She has my gift of gab. She either sleeping, talking, or whining these days.

More Fun with Interesting Characters

Well, not having a license for 9 months almost came back to bite me this week. I need to pick up my new company car, and the dealership asked me to bring my license. I told them I didnt have it, and complained about the lengthy process required to replace lost social security cards and drivers licenses. It turns out that it doesnt take that long. As long as you dont go to the downtown social security office things arent that bad. The short time (about 45 minutes) that I spent in the office was quite eventful. I sat down across from two conversing friends and one their daughters (she was probably 10 and apparently home schooled). The two women talked with the daughter in the middle. I tried to record the conversation on my blackberry, but it was too far away. I could barely hear them, but highlights includes "I ate lunch with her at noon and she killed herself by 4", "the whole family and their dog were living in the hotel until the kids got taken away", "I found her sleeping in the car at 4Am", and many more. Down the way from me was an interesting man sitting with his wife/girlfriend and daughter. He has some very long fingernails used for who knows what and was covered in freemasons rings (ear and finger). He was very anxious and eventually noticed a sign on the wall that asked people to turn off their cell phones. It was a friendly request which I later realized was because everyone and their brother had a phone going off and would talk at various volumes. That would probably lead to people missing their numbers being called which would cause major anger. Anyway, he saw the sign and flew into a mini fit of rage and cursed at the sign. "F#$% that" he said. "They cant tell me to turn off my phone". "If they want me to turn off my phone, then they can pay my bill". That last line caused serious confusion in the logic center of my brain. Finally, a woman with a behind any rapper would admire strolled in with jeans that must have taken all morning to get on. She was young, and sat down asking a questions about collecting benefits based upon a recent death. Her line was "he isnt even in the ground yet". I thought she was referring to her husband, but then a guy came in and sat down next to her. She seemed pretty upbeat. Anyway, that is my best recollection of the fun. I really thought about taking pictures with my phone, but it makes a sound when you take a picture and the freemason guy might have killed me. The ret of the day included driving all over town trying to find an open license branch. 3 tries, no luck. Very annoying. I will get my license tomorrrow. Fun times.

Presidential Poll

People, do you understand that the poll is anonymous?  Lame.  If we can establish that our readership mirrors that of the overall electorate we will be polled for all upcoming elections.  

Sunday Conversation

Biggest Losers?

We visited the doctor for their 3 month checkup today.  They are actually 15 weeks, but whatever.  Over the past month, Riley went from 11lbs 5oz to 13lbs 13oz.  Sanna went from 10lbs 14oz to 13lbs 1 oz.  So, Riley outgrew Sanna by 5 ounces.  When the ladies were 1 month old, they were beneath the 25h percentile in height and weight (not head size though :)).  Now Sanna is above the 60th percentile in everything, and Riley is in the 75th percentile in everything.   With this current trajectory, they will be in the 150th percentile in a few months.  I know that doesnt exist, but it helps to illustrate my point.  Ladies be growin.  I heard a rumor that they were going to extend the Biggest Loser brand to include an series for toddlers.  I guess they want to promote good health and exercise from a young age.  I know our girls could work hard and drop the pounds with the proper reward.  I think we are going to allow them to keep beefin up so they can be on the show (it is going to shoot in a couple years I guess).   When they drop the pounds we'll be rich.  At least one of them will win.  Riley will have more to lose most likely.   Anyway, look for us on NBC in the coming years.  

We Voted!!!!

Laurin and I got up bright and early to get to the polls at 6AM.  I am leaving at 9 for a business trip, so time was of the essence.  When we got there, the line was quite long and we were worried. With both babies in tow we didnt have forever, and it wasnt all that warm.  To our delight, the line moved quite fast once the polls opened.  There was probably 300 people in front of us at 6AM!, but we still were out of there in an hour.  As we left, there was hardly a line.  Everyone must have had the same idea about getting there early.  The ladies were a hit, and hopefully did not catch anything as a result of their contact with people today.  Anyway, see the attached pics of our fun.

How do you politely ask the homeless to stop touching your babies?

Thanks to the wonderful people at Baby Bjorn, Laurin and I have been taking the ladies for a lot of walks lately.   It was really nice out yesterday, so we hardly had to bundle them up.  While walking is fun for the whole family, having two amazingly cute babies strapped to you makes you very popular with all kinds of people.  It seemed like everyone was out and about yesterday, and they all love babies (especially twins).   Our most exciting encounter came when we came across two colorful characters enjoying some time out on a nice day.  As we walked up, the man was putting his forty of Cobra back in his windbreaker, and the woman must have just finished putting bright red lipstick all over her face and teeth.  It seems like the twins thing really intrigues people.  We almost made it past them, then I hear "TWINS?!?!?".   Not wanting to be total elitists we were forced to stop and acknowledge them.  What ensued was a 10 minute session of confusing conversation and fear of hepatitis.   The guy focused on me, telling me the story of his son, who is apparently an extra in movies (he was one of the cops that found Jimmy Hoffa's body in Bruce Almighty he said).   He also rambled about how great our girls will be and how they need to know their real father, the Lord.   Laurin's conversation was apparenly about the fact that the woman had 6 kids.  Where they were was anybody's guess.  One was 3 months old.   She showed Laurin a photo on her camera, then took a photo of Riley.  There was some awkward touching and at one point the woman put Riley's pacifier in her mouth.  Im not sure if they make water hot enough to clean it, so I think we retired that one.   I tried multiple times to end the conversation, but apparently they didnt major in getting hints.   Finally we used their impending hunger as a reason to move along.  Fun times.  I actually found the guys son online.  He seems pretty successful and together.  

Viva La Revolucion!

I want to thank all you pessimists for trying to scare us about our future lack of sleep.  I am happy to announce that both of our ladies successfully completed 8 hour sleeping sessions over the past weekend.  While I am not yet prepared to call this a trend, Ill take it.  Our ladies were well behaved all weekend as the rest of the Smiths came to visit.  Also, we had a dinner party with all kinds of crazy fun.  The ladies were perfect guests as they were licked by a wild animal and serenaded to the tune of "pool party".   We look forward to many more nights of solid sleep.

More Halloween Fun...

The ladies had quite a good time in their first Halloween costumes. We might actually make Riley wear hers every day. She sat quietly (not asleep) all night and didnt fuss a bit. Sanna wanted to be held, but when she was there was no issue. We had plenty of visitors. Costumes ranged from the good (most of the little kids in their superhero or princess costumes) to the bad (a very young mother in no costume smoking a cigarette who asked us if we had any soft candy, which I think she wanted for her new born. She couldnt have been more than 18). Anyway, Laurin and I got drunk on the porch while handing out the candy and talking to the neighbors. Melissa and Cynthia came over for pizza and wings after the trick-or-treating, so it was basically my perfect night. Beer, wings, babies.

*we didnt really get drunk for all you who are still trying to grasp sarcasm
**I would like to print a retraction on a previously posted statement. Grandma Nancy is a wonderful Grandma and didnt really cause Sanna to freak out while I was gone. I was given that piece of information from Laurin, but it was mostly to represent how she was the 'new' person who was around at the time. It just helped to illustrate the point.

Halloween Costumes

Even More Video

While I was away the ladies finally realized they like at least 2 of the 200 toys we have for them. Check out Riley's eyes in the second video. Riley had been lagging in the focusing on/caring about stuff competition. Now she seems to be into this green thing.

Halloween?

Being the proactive parents we are, we will be going to the store to buy the ladies Halloween costumes tonight.  I open up the blog to suggestions.  

Got a Little Captain in You?

We managed to make it out to our first baby-friendly social event last Friday. Our neighbors had an engagement party. We decided to take the ladies out for a few errands prior to the event. We were hoping all the driving around in their car seats would help them fall deep asleep. Riley was awake for most of the errands but fell asleep on the way home. Sanna was asleep for most the errands but woke up as soon as we got to the party. While Riley graciously decided to sleep through the wild party, Sanna decided to have her loudest screaming fit ever. Since then, she has had about one a day. Historically, Sanna was our calm, quiet baby. Theories range from teething (we think we see something popping through in one spot) to seperation anxiety. Sanna started freaking out when a new person was holding her. I have been on business travel all week and Grandma Nancy has been causing the freakouts. The internets tell us that this can start to happen around this time. I will be home tonight to solve all this baby drama. For all of you that planned to visit us, noone is allowed to hold our babies but us anymore. Our eardrums cant take the pain. For your amusement, I offer this photo I took on my camera of Eric doing his best Captain Morgan impression.

Important Notification

I want to comment that they previous post is by no means an endorsement of the Obama campaign.   Verbal Diarhhea is a politically neutral website that welcomes all.  If there had been a McCain rally downtown we would have gone as well.  We are merely political voyeurs and Sanna wanted to be a part of the fun.  Please dont stop reading the blog to the perception that we are now part of the liberal media.

High School Girls Freaking Love Obama

So, I got an email yesterday saying there was an Obama event downtown. Now that we live downtown, I thought it might be interesting to go. Riley had an appt with with craniosacral therapist, so Sanna and I decided to check it out. The email I got said doors opened at 830 and the event was 9-11. I thought that was odd since it was outdoors, but whatever. Sanna and I got there at 9 and there was a huge line of people waiting to go through security and get in. Sanna got hungry at about 915, so I fed her in the baby bjorn as we made our way towards security. After we finally got in, we were actually really close. That is probably due to the fact that the event didnt START until 11. I was a little pissed and had no more bottles. Luckily, Sanna is an angel. She finished her bottle around 1030 and took her pacifier around 11. Despite the high school girls screaming like N'Sync was about to come on, she slept. Having heard the talking points many a time, I really just wanted to take some pictures and experience the event. At 12, Obama went on. I took a few pics and Sanna started to freak out. We were very fortunate to find a path out as it was barricaded all around the park. If I hadnt found this gap we would have had to make our way through 25000 people across about 100yds of park. So, our day consisted of 3 hours of waiting and 2 minutes of Obama.

Return Of Video

We left the House.....

With the family in town last weekend, we decided to go on a crazy adventure.  We took the ladies hiking in Eagle Creek Park with the Iannucci's and some dogs we found roaming around.    Despite Laurin's lack of coordination, we decided to strap a baby to her chest and set her on a path through the winding trails.   No babies were harmed in the execution of this adventure.   There was minimal puking and Riley stayed awake for most of the event.   

From the Cradle to the Grave.....

Here we see three generations of lovely ladies.   In an effort to get the great grandparents safely from Kalamazoo, MI to Largo, FL, several members of the family undertook the most complicated feat of transportation.  The result was this picture.  It would have been even better if Katie wasnt so selfishly leaving tonight.  We could have had four generations tomorrow.   Patti flew in from Tampa to spend some time with the ladies.  Katie popped in from Purdue for the evening.  Nancy came down a day early for some QT.   Tomorrow, Grandpa Bill will be driving the GGPs from Kalamazoo to Indianapolis.  After a short stay, Patti will drive them the rest of the way back to their shared home state of Florida.  Grandma Nancy will then drive home with Grandpa Bill sometime this weekend.   Our ladies managed to surpass their previous level of cute in the series of pictures that took place today. Try not to pee your pants from the visual assault of cuteness.

So Cute Im Gonna Puke